Monthly Archives: June 2012

The Man With The Iron Fists Ain’t Nothing To F*** With

Neither is Wu Tang, but we already know that.

I am going to go ahead and say that most people that see this preview will laugh and instantly hate it. Those people are not fans of “kung-fu” movies.

While Chinese Connection, Game of Death or Drunken Master may not be cinematic masterpieces they were a huge part of my childhood and made the martial arts movies one of my go to’s when I was a kid.  And true to those films this preview is such an assault on the senses and I mean the in the best possible way.

Say what you want about RZA, he has never shied away from the fact that he has an absolute love of the martial arts society and movies. Now he has written a screenplay with Eli Roth and with the help of Quentin Tarantino, who knows a thing or two about making funky, awesome movies, is about to unleash his dream movie upon us.

Even if the preview doesn’t impress you, you have to be impressed with the cast that they assembled here. Russell Crowe, Lucy Liu, Rick Yune and even Mr. “I Walk Alone” Batista.

The Man With The Iron Fists opens up later this year.

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3 Boobs Makes Total Recall Remake Officially Total Recall

Was that so hard?

I was ready to give the Total Recall remake a shot but couldn’t in good conscience go knowing that every woman in the movie was going to be two breasted. Shallow? Yes. What can I say, I am a Total Recall purist. I like three titties.

Total Recall opens August 3.

Pull List 6/27/12

The Dark Knight #10

Gregg Hurwitz takes over writing duties with this issue and he is off to a great start with the beginning of a Scarecrow story that truly looks to be going in a disturbing direction. Children are being kidnapped and returned with no physical scars but emotionally dead. It looks like they are going to take Gordon in a dark place too with his disappearing act on Batman and his hallucinations about Barbara and James Jr. when he is affected by Scarecrow’s toxin. David Finch’s art is quality as always.

Score: 8.5/10

Batman Incorporated #2

Grant Morrison gives up the complete back story of Talia Al Ghul from her conception, to her training as a master assassin and even through to her and her father’s dealing with The Black Hand. It’s a good look inside the character but a step back from the weird first issue and we still are hanging on that cliff.

Score: 7.5/10

Aquaman #10

Aquaman and Black Manta finally get to duke it out here as Ya’Wara and Prisoner try to convince Aquaman to not kill Manta so they can learn what his plan is. Do heroes learn nothing. They end up giving Manta what he is after and he teleports away and surprises Mera and Shin. Mera finally learns the truth about how Black Manta’s father died at Aquaman’s hands. I smell marital problems later.

Score: 8/10

Superman #10

This issue hurt. Superman tries to figure out Anguish’s daddy issue as they fight around Metropolis. She sees the story on Superman’s secret (wrong) identity and heads off to kill the innocent man’s family. Yet somehow in this modern age no one can notice Superman fighting on the news stations as they ask this man if he is the Man of Steel?? Ugh. Anyway Supes gets all therapeutic and Anguish leaves. My head hurts.

Score: 5/10

Star Trek #10

Kirk, Spock and the rest of the away team discover the mystery of Beta III and how the Starship Archon became involved in the society that worships the machine Landru. Kirk rescues a hot chick to the Enterprise because….well he’s James T. Kirk. Kirk reports back to Pike and we learn that Beta III was a dirty Federation secret and Kirk is now being watched.

Score: 7.5/10

Before Watchmen: Nite Owl #1

Man was this issue loaded with stuff. We get a glimpse into Daniel’s early life with his abusive father and how his obsession with Nite Owl flourished into a partnership with the first man to wear the cowl, Hollis Mason. His first meeting with Rorshach is as random as you would think it should be. With the fleshing out of the character in this series the inevitable comparisons to Batman will come but you would just be depriving yourself of a good comic and classic character.

Score: 8/10

Spider-Men #2 (of 5)

Holy crap this book is just as good as the first issue. Peter and Miles have a slight skirmish on the rooftops of NYC. By skirmish I mean the most polite fight I have ever read and so dang entertaining. Miles gets the better of Peter and takes him to Nick Fury who gets to listen to one of the best Spider-Man rants ever and tasks Miles with telling Peter what is different about this alternate universe ( you know, the Peter being dead part). Mysterio shows up in time to try and kill both Spider-Men. Awesome.

Score: 9/10

All-Star Western #10

Arkham gets to enjoy the “charm” of Tallulah Black as he nurses her back to health. The Court of the Owls are still making plans and one of them involves using Jonah as an unknowing assassin. I’m glad to see the Owls weren’t just a one issue write off for the crossover event. With Hex being in the old west I want to see how powerful the Owls actually were in Gotham.

Score: 8/10

Justice League #10

Graves surprises the Justice League on their satellite base and makes quick work of every member. Like really, it took like two pages to dispatch the entire Justice League. So Graves must be the greatest villain ever in the history of comics. More Shazam at the end with the re-introduction of Black Adam.

Score: 7.5/10

The Ultimates #12

What appears to be the end of the Reed Richards/City story has Tony being used as bait while his “little friend” tries to sabotage The City’s main computer. And I promise you, you will never guess who Tony’s friend is. And Cap makes an appearance at the end to help just as all the hard work is done. Good job Cap.

Score: 8/10

 

Pretty decent week this week. Spider-Men is the obvious choice for book of the week. Sadly it looks like Superman will be getting dropped. I have given it ten issues and have yet to feel excited about the title.

Read comics!!!

The GD Batman Meets The B&N Nook

One of the reasons I have yet to buy a tablet of any kind (besides the fact that I refuse to pay what Apple asks for an IPad) is the minor skirmish that existed between Marvel and DC and the Nook and Kindle Fire. Barnes and Noble had made a decision to be Marvel exclusive on their Nook, which besides being asinine, lead to DC being understandably upset and reducing their stock presence in the brick and mortar B&N stores.

Now I consider myself a DC guy yet when I would compare the Nook to the Kindle Fire I would always lean towards getting a Nook but just couldn’t bring myself to do it if I was completely unable to get the graphic novels I wanted to read on it. But today DC and B&N have finally announced they have reached a partnership to bring over 4,000 titles to the Nook.

“Our goal is to reach the broadest possible audience and this new partnership with Barnes & Noble brings Batman, Superman and many other iconic DC Comics and Vertigo characters to the millions of NOOK Tablet and NOOK Color readers,” said, Jim Lee, co-publisher of DC Entertainment.

DC is also introduced a new feature for Nook uses called Zoom View which allows readers to go to every individual panel and zoom in to make it screen size giving a better look at the art in each title. Whether this is truly something “new” or just a re-wording of what existing tablets already do for comics remains to be seen.

With this announcement though I have to say that the Nook may finally have my vote as far as a personal tablet.

When You Read The Game Of Thrones, You Wait Or You Die. Or Die Waiting

If the wonderful author George R.R. Martin could happen upon one video online accidentally I would pray it be this one. Comedic singing duo Paul and Storm have crafted a song that tells the story of every Game of Thrones fan….hurry the hell up and get the last two books done!

Yes we all know that he is hard at work on The Winds of Winter and even read a sample chapter during an interview but let’s just say that there is a reason we have two page descriptions of what dinner consisted of. The short wait promised between Feast for Crows and Dance with Dragons ended up being like six years.

Also while you are checking out the video be sure and subscribe to the Geek & Sundry channel on YouTube. The video is linked to it. Take it from me, anything involving Felicia Day will certainly make your….well…day.

Black Dynamite Gets Animated. And Already Told The Second B**ch No.

 

I wanna tell you a stoooory about an animated cat. Black as night and carrying a trouser bat.

Yeah so I suck at rhyming. But right now that doesn’t matter cause when you hear Bullhorn shout out his monologue about Black Dynamite it will all be better. EW.com just released the first trailer for the Adult Swim show based on one of the funniest movies ever made. And the gang is all back. Bullhorn, Cream Corn, Tasty Freeze. To top that off they are all voiced by the movie cast including Tommy Davidson, Arsenio Hall and Michael Jai White returns as Black Dynamite.

Black Dynamite premieres July 15th on Adult Swim.

http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/06/21/see-racy-trailer-for-adult-swims-animated-adaptation-of-black-dynamite-exclusive-video/

 

I threw that sh** before I came in the room!!

Nintendo Unveils New, Bigger 3DS. I Want A Rebate

Tonight Nintendo took the wraps off of what has been rumored for about a month now, a bigger 3DS. Now I know this is what Nintendo does but I just bought my damn 3DS 3 months ago. Come on guys. Let’s get a rebate program going for the folks who recently bought an “old” 3DS and you just butt raped.

Ok, anger aside this thing is a beast. The top screen is 4.88 inches. That’s 90% bigger than the previous model. The bottom touchscreen also is getting a 90% bump to 4.18 inches. I am sure this will convey the 3D in a way better manner than the smaller screen does now. Also the 3DS headache will now become the 3DS migraine.

The official name is the Nintendo 3DS XL and will release on August 19 and retail for 199.99 and despite all my bit**ing I will probably still buy one.

Life of a nerd.

Badass Preview Day Take(n) 2!

I am pretty proud of that title. Do you know how hard it is to come up with something witty on a consistant basis? Especially when there is not a lot of wit to start with.

If you loved the first Taken, chances are you have a penis. If not, then I am sorry for your lack of manhood that kept you from enjoying Liam Neeson going absolutely batsh** crazy on the dudes that kidnapped his daughter.

If you are a chick that loved Taken, then I love you.

Well it seems like there are repercussions from killing like 30 dudes in all kinds of horrible ways and one of those is the families being more than a little pissed off. So they decide to take Liam Neeson’s Jean Grey look-a-like wife and we all know where that is going to lead.

Taken 2 releases in October.

He’s The Executioner We Deserve, But Not The One We Need Right Now

Yes I used a played out Dark Knight reference and I don’t care.

I guess it’s better than naming the article “I Just Shat Myself Because Of How Insanely Fu**ing Awesome This Preview Looks.”

Seriously, I love Judge Dredd and hearing Karl Urban rattle off raspy death threats will never get old even when I am watching this for the 50th time in the comfort of my home. I also could barely recognize Lena Headey with short hair and nasty looking scar on her face. I’m pretty sure she just watched a whole lot of Keira Knightly movies to get ready for her part of skinny, cracked out looking brunette.

Dredd opens up and blows your mind in September.

Pull List 6/20/12

The Walking Dead #99

!!!SPOILERS!!!

Rick and the rest of the community begin to deal with Abraham’s death. This affects everyone in different ways with Rick wanting to see if Hilltop can provide any assistance and many of the residents wanting to leave the group altogether. Kirkman must have something big and bloody planned for next month’s milestone #100 with the setup that you have felt coming in the whole “Something to Fear” storyline. Let’s just go ahead and get the death pool up and running.

Score: 8.5/10

Before Watchmen: Comedian #1

This was one of the Before Watchmen books that I was worried about the most. I wasn’t sure if they would try to humanize one of the most famous assholes in comic history. Brian Azzarello has walked a good line with this first issue showing Edward’s relationship with the Kennedy family (including quite the favor done for Jackie) while showing that he was a tool of the government that is good at killing. Minutemen is still the shining gem so far but this was a very good start.

Score: 8.5/10

AVX #6

Ok now this is a little more what I expected. Not saying this was a great issue but to me things at least seem to be moving along at a brisker pace. I know, I know, I have been giving this series a hard time and for good reason but I am surprised that I didn’t feel a headache coming on after reading this issue. The Phoenix Five are remaking Earth into Utopia and The Avengers still have a problem with it (douches) and decide to kidnap Hope which, durr, pisses off Cyclops and that may not be a good thing seeing as he is almost a God now.

Score: 7.5/10 (a strong 7.5, I couldn’t justify an 8)

Spider-Men #1 (of 5)

Had to wait a week to pick this one up and it is a great read. Peter monologues about how much he love NYC while stopping thieves (you know Spidey stuff) when he notices a mysterious light that leads him to Mysterio who appears to have found a way to merge Peter’s universe with the Ultimate universe. And this being a comic Peter crosses over which will be somewhat of a problem since, you know, he’s dead in the Ultimate universe. I loved the final panel with Peter and Miles happening upon each other. Pick this up.

Score: 9/10

Winter Soldier #7

Two months have passed since last issue and Leo, Bucky’s old protege, has now killed five people with Bucky and Black Widow always a few steps behind him. After Leo kidnaps a Russian professor there is a great fight in an RV of all things and Bucky finally learns what Leo has been after the whole time. The series started off strong and hit a little lull at the end of the first storyline but so far I am liking the first two parts of this new story. Great action.

Score: 8/10

Nightwing #10

Now that the Night of the Owls is over (at least on Nightwing’s end) we get back to Dick being wanted for double homicide. Can’t forget about that even if you do have a massive attack and murders on city leaders going on. Nightwing investigates and leads him to Paragon, a new baddie with a cult following that is aiming to end our hero. Also adding to Dick’s dilemma is that he wants to reopen a historic piece of old Gotham and chooses to get help from Tony Zucco’s daughter seeing as she runs the biggest bank in Gotham. Life of a superhero. Kicking ass and negotiating mortgage rates.

Score:8/10

Catwoman #10

Oh Selina, just when you seem to want to be bad you always find a good cause to latch onto. Someone is abducting hookers and street rats and Selina is determined to track them down even if it means alienating everyone that has been trying to help her these past few months. On a side note, I really wish they would drop the Alvarez character all together. He reminds me of Benjamin Bratt from the Catwoman “movie”. And I really do not like thinking of that while I am trying the enjoy a comic.

Score: 7.5/10

The Shadow #3

Lamont and Margo meet up and wait for Kondo’s assassination attempt at a lovely restaurant. The Shadow gets the drop on the hit men and proceeds to pull off a headshot clinic. He finds Kondo’s hideout but only finds a lot of pissed off Nazi’s and you guessed it, obliterates them with a tommy gun. Look, it’s Garth Ennis, he can get a little long winded but he makes up with it with plenty of bloody action.

Score: 7/10

Saga #4

Holy Sh**.

That about sums it up.

Alana and Marko work on their small relationship problem from last issue but the real meat of this issue is when The Will decides to fly to Sextillion for a little naughty R&R and things get weird. Like weird weird. Quick. There is a very satisfying death that makes you cringe a bit also. This is one of the most unique comics out there and you should give it a try.

Score: 8.5/10

 

That was a big week if I do say so myself.

Read comics!!!