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Summer Movie Preview

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It’s about time for the summer movie season to begin. Honestly with last months huge Hunger Games opening you could say it began early this year. I’ll just go through the movies that I plan on attending this summer (that means Madagascar will not be in this list or any Adam Sandler movie) and will stick them all with a bomb score. The higher the score the more likely I think the movie may go bust when they open. You never know where you will get a Speed Racer or John Carter.

Let’s go!!

The Avengers (May 4)
Marvel’s five year gamble is about to pay off. Back in 2007 when Iron Man released and we got to see Nick Fury at the end credits we squealed just when he said the word “Avengers” now we’re only a few short weeks from the team up I thought as a kid we’d never see on the screen. Then Marvel did us nerds good by getting Joss Whedon to direct. Early screenings have been very kind and it really does have a chance to have the biggest opening ever.
Bomb Score: -8,456,178/10

Dark Shadows (May 11)
Johnny Depp and Tim Burton have been talking about getting this movie made for almost a decade so imagine my surprise when the first preview showed the movie to be somewhat of a comedy. Not a bad surprise mind you. Fans who watched the show may hate it but I am glad they got away from the feel of the soap opera. We’ve seen Burton and Depp do dark drama and dark comedy so just throw them together. Sadly it opens a week after Avengers so it will most likely not open number one but hopefully it can still open big.
Bomb Score: 5/10

Men In Black 3 (May 25)
The sequel that kind of snuck up on everybody. It’s been ten years since the second movie underwhelmed me and a lot of people you talk to are kind of surprised a new MIB is coming out. The plot looks stronger than the second outing and hopefully Josh Brolin can bring some new vigor to the franchise. Like I said the word of mouth has not been too loud but by the time Memorial Day comes around I’m sure it will have a strong opening.
Bomb Score: 3/10

Snow White and the Huntsman (June 1)
Now that the horridly bright Mirror Mirror is in the rear view lets pay attention to the Snow White movie that actually looks good. I’ll admit I am not a Kristen Stewart fan but this movie looks like it will be dark and a lot of fun. But are we really supposed to believe that Stewart is hotter than Charlize Theron? That mirror must be high.
Bomb Score: 5/10

Prometheus (June 8)
While Avengers and Dark Knight are at the top of my must see list Ridley Scott’s return to sci-fi is not far behind. The more I see in previews and in the brilliant viral marketing the more I can not wait to see this. I will admit (for the first time in print I believe) that the Alien series is my favorite series of all time (even Alien 3) so lets get ready to see the space jockey do more than be dead and ominous!
Bomb Score: 4/10

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22)
Yeah like I need to explain why I even wanna see this. Great Emancipator lopping heads and staking hearts….durr. Not sure if everyone else will be rushing to the theater like me though.
Bomb Score: 6/10

Brave (June 22)
Finally a summer where I can enjoy a Pixar movie. Last year was Pixar free with my hatred of Cars in full effect so I am ready for this Scottish tale of a daughter wanting to be more than what people expect of her.
Bomb Score: 0/10

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (June 29)
Ok. I admit it. I liked the first Joe movie. It was dumb fun. The good kind, not like Transformers 2. This time the look and feel is more serious. Call it a reboot without being a reboot. The Rock and Bruce Willis join the fight against Cobra Commander and we may get a Channing Tatum death. Win freaking win.
Bomb Score: 5/10

The Amazing Spider-Man (July 3)
It has been ten years since Sam Raimi brought everyone’s favorite web head to the screen and after the debacle that was Spider-Man 3 the studio wisely decided to reboot the franchise. We can all thank Nolans’ Batman for the darker look but I think it should give the character a fresh look. I have liked Andrew Garfield in The Social Network and Dr. Parnassus and he certainly has the Peter Parker look. Let’s hope this brings Spider-Man back to the top of comic movies.
Bomb Score: 4/10

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20)
Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan finish their bat trilogy with a host of new big bads. Bane, Catwoman, Ra’s and Talia Al Ghul have come to Gotham and the city may finally fall. Come on its Batman so he will kick ass and talk to people in that growl that makes us wonder if Bale has eaten a scrub brush. Even after the credits roll have no fear because Nolan has taken on the producer role for the next set of Bat films.
Bomb Score: see Avengers

The Bourne Legacy (August 3)
No Matt Damon, no problem. Jeremy Renner, who basically kicks ass in everything, takes over the title role and no it’s not Jason Bourne. He plays a new agent trained as Bourne was with Edward Norton opposite him. Tony Gilroy, who directed the great Michael Clayton and wrote the three previous Bourne movies is the director so the series should be in capable hands.
Bomb Score: 6/10 (because of no Damon)

Total Recall (August 3)
Colin Farrell take over the Arnold role in the reboot of the 1990 sci-fi film. The first preview does look pretty interesting and having Kate Beckinsale and Bryan Cranston adds to any movie. Really all I am looking for is some good sci-fi action and a chick with three titties. Is that too much to ask?
Bomb Score: 5/10

The Expendables 2 (August 17)
I didn’t see the first Expendables in theaters. I caught it on Blu-Ray and I have been kicking myself ever since for not seeing this testosterone fest on the big screen. That will be rectified with the sequel this year. Everyone’s back for the party (except Mickey Rourke) and Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme come with guns and some roundhouse kicks also. Let’s blow s*** up!!
Bomb Score: 3/10

Well there you have it. Any movies not on the list you plan on going to this summer? Let me know what movie and why you can’t wait to see it.

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Top 12 Movies of 2012

I know 2011 is just barely half over but it’s never too early to look ahead at next year’s crop of movies. Next year, at least on paper, looks to be one of the biggest years at the theaters with the return of Batman, the Avengers assembling, Ridley Scott returning to science fiction and Peter Jackson revisiting the Shire. While I have been to the theater more this year already than in past years I will list the 12 movies that already have me ready to drop down 10 bucks for a ticket….or 12 for 3D….or 15 for IMAX 3D….or 23 for IMAX with Dbox. Jesus movies are too expensive. I think I may go straight 2D next year.

John Carter (March 9)

Let’s hope Disney’s live action tentpole movie next year fares better than Prince of Persia did. Based on the first John Carter novel, A Princess of Mars, it finds the titular character die in the Civil War era only to reawaken on Mars in the middle of a large conflict. I did like the first preview shown so I have hope that this will be a good flick.

The Hunger Games (March 23)

A young adult novel about a post-apocalyptic society that once a year pick one adolescent male and one female to fight to the death in what is called The Hunger Games. Sounds like young adult reading huh? Suzanne Collins trilogy of novels gets the big screen treatment with a great cast including Jennifer Lawrence, Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks and Donald Sutherland. If this is as big as people are expecting we could be looking at the next big film series with Harry Potter done and Twilight ending.

American Reunion (April 6)

Not too be confused with the series of low rent straight to DVD sequels, this is the true sequel lovers of the film trilogy (namely me) have been waiting on. Jason Biggs, Allyson Hannigan, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Chris Klein, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Tara Reid, Shannon Elizabeth and Sean William Scott are all back for their high school reunion and I am pretty sure some stuff involving super glue, pubic hair, gay bar dancing, pie screwing and band camp stories may be involved. And yes John Cho is back as the MILF guy….bonus!

The Avengers (May 4)

Marvel’s big five year plan has all been leading to this. Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor and Captain America all in one movie. One big splooge in my pants movie. The plot is still somewhat under wraps but me thinks Loki is teaming up with the Skrulls to do the whole take over the planet thing. Does it matter really? This movie is going to be huge…..as in massive.

Prometheus (June 8 )

Ridley Scott returns to the Alien franchise with a prequel that tells how everyone’s favorite chest bursting, acid bleeding xenomorph came into being. I am so excited for a new Alien film it borders on nerdgasm. Then add in it’s Ridley Scott and a cast that includes Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron and Michael Fassbender and it’s pretty easy to see why this made the list.

Amazing Spider-Man (July 3)

Some people think it is too soon for a reboot but I am not one of them. Next year will be ten years since Sam Raimi released the first of his trilogy and while the second film remains one of the finest comic book movies ever made the third was a bloated POS that collapsed under too many villains and not enough story. Andrew Garfield (who was excellent in The Social Network) takes over the role of Peter Parker and yes we are going to have to watch another origin tale but the preview does show that there may be life left in the ole webhead.

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20)

Christopher Nolan ends his Dark Knight trilogy is what is sure to be the biggest movie of 2012. And like all Nolan films this one is a closely guarded secret but we know the main plot involves the League of Shadows coming after Batman with Bane in toe. Whether they will quasi follow the Knightfall storyline and have Bane break Batman’s back remains to be seen but I think it is a safe bet to say so. Joseph Gordon Levitt, Tom Hardy and Marion Cotillard join the cast in a mini Inception reunion.

 

 

The Expendables 2 (August 17)

I didn’t see the first Expendables in the theater and when I finally saw it on Blu Ray I was kicking myself for not seeing the huge action orgasm on the big screen. I won’t make that mistake with the sequel. The main crew of Stallone, Statham, Li, Crews, Couture and Lundgren are back this time hunting down Mickey Rourke’s (Tool) killer. Explosions ensue, head are shot, women are bedded then credits. Perfect.

Dredd (September 21)

Guess what? I like the 1995 version of Judge Dredd. And I am not ashamed to say it. Everyone has their guilty pleasure movie and it is my favorite one. You like Top Gun you say? Then I like Judge Dredd. I always thought a new Dredd movie was always a pipedream after the Stallone version left a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths (Why? It’s awesome!) but finally 17 years later it is happening. And with Karl Urban perfectly cast as Dredd I say it’s time to strap on your Lawgiver and show Mega City One who’s boss….or Judge.

Bond 23 (November 9)

It’s been a rough road getting the new Bond movie into muliplexes. MGM’s bankruptcy (isn’t this like their fourth one) has ensured that we have the longest wait in between films without changing actors to play 007. But it finally looks like their is light at the end of the tunnel. The main plot is still a mystery but we do know that Javier Bardem has been cast as the villain and Ralph Fiennes will play a mystery character. As a Bond fanatic this wait has been rough but hopefully it will be worth it come next winter.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (December 14)

After the merry go round of directors everyone thought we were finally on the way back to the Shire when Guillermo Del Toro was brought on to helm The Hobbit but those dreams were dashed when MGM couldn’t seem to find financing for the massive two part epic (MGM again!! Seriously what purpose do they serve?). Del Toro left and finally Peter Jackson stepped up to the plate realizing that if he didn’t direct the tale of Bilbo Baggins it would never get made. The story is being split up with the second coming out December 2013 (called The Hobbit: There and Back Again) and sees Martin Freeman taking over the role of Bilbo who is tricked by Gandalf, played again by Ian McKellan, to take on an expedition with twelve dwarves into the Misty Mountains to win the treasure guarded by the dragon Smaug.

Django Unchained (December 25)

Quentin Tarantino follows up his biggest hit ever (Inglourious Basterds) with a revenge tale starring Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Kevin Costner. Django (Foxx) is a free slave who is trained to be a bounty hunter by a German (Waltz) and the two team up to rescue Django’s wife from an evil plantation owner (DiCaprio) and his slave trainer (Costner) who has the slaves fight in death matches for the owner’s enjoyment. As much as I loved Basterds I can easily see this becoming my favorite Tarantino film (my favorite is Jackie Brown).

Other big 2012 releases:

Underworld: Awakening (Jan. 20)

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Feb. 17)

Dark Shadows (May 11)

Men In Black 3 (May 25)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22)

The Bourne Legacy (Aug. 3)

Total Recall (Aug. 3)

G.I. Joe 2 (Aug. 10)

Resident Evil: Retribution (Sept. 14)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D (Oct. 5)

Halloween 3D (Oct. 26)

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 (Nov. 16)

The Lone Ranger (Dec. 21)