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So J.J. Is Directing Star Wars. First Lense Flare Joke Gets Punched In The Throat.


Alright here we go. Now Star Wars Episode VII is really real.

Yesterday’s announcement of J.J. Abrams as director of the next story in the Star Wars saga came with a general amount of surprise by most. So many directors have been mentioned (by me also) as possible candidates including Matthew Vaughn, Steven Spielberg, Jon Favreau and even Ben Affleck were in the running. But here is my official statement on Lucasfilm hiring Abrams to take over the world of lightsabers and breathing machines.


Look, a lot of directors could have worked well with the new Star Wars film if the script turns out to be very good. I especially would have loved Matthew Vaughn’s take on it but Abrams doing this gives me a general sense of hope and excitement. The guy helped create Alias, Lost and Fringe. He has directed the best Mission: Impossible (M:I 3), the wonderful Super 8 and took the Star Trek franchise and breathed new life into it and made it relevant for a new generation. The man has one damn impressive resume. You can not deny it.

There are rumors out there that the new flick may have a female lead and that some have been pushing for Kick-Ass star Chloe Moretz to star. If any of this is true I will be a happy camper. We have had six movies of male leads, how awesome would it be to have a kick ass female Jedi on screen (ahhh Mara Jade).

So to recap, nice job Lucasfilm. The weight of nerd worry has lifted a bit from my shoulders. Now let’s make a damn Star Wars movie!


It’s Like I Am Only Here To Post Darth Vader Videos

When you find something good you might as well keep going till folks hate you.

Don’t worry, I am sure this is almost the end of the Darth Vader dubbed over voice video craze. Then again, if I keep finding ones like this Schwarzenegger voiced Vader one, this blog may become a one trick pony. That is assuming I even have a trick to begin with.

Darth Vader Say What?



Sometimes the simplest ideas turn out to be the best. After watching this video let’s see if you were like me and laughed a little bit more than you thought you would when the video began. Darth Vader is a bit hard of hearing and that’s it. No witty explanation needed. If this is the Vader we get in the new trilogy, I wouldn’t be opposed.

England’s Biggest Alternative Faith Is Jedi. Proves That They Are Much Cooler Than America.


Let’s file this under “Choosy Brits Choose Jedi”.

A census of England and Wales has shown that besides the main de facto religions (Christianity, Buddhism, etc.) the largest group of people to have a religion of choice is the Jedi. That breaks down to 0.31% of the population that choose to do or do not because there is no try.

The only number that is up in the air is with atheists because they were too busy not caring to say yes or no to a question.

Thanks to The Mary Sue

Can We Just Know What Is Going On With Star Wars Already?



One thing I love about writing rumors is that as sure as the sun is in the sky and Tom Brady smokes pole I will be writing another blog to completely refute what I wrote before. It’s fun. Keeps me on my toes.

So here we go again.

Remember how Lawrence Kasdan and Simon Kinberg were reportedly brought on board to write and produce Episodes VIII & IX? If you don’t that’s ok here is a handy link to catch you up to speed.

Done yet? Ok so scratch that….or perhaps not. Hell I don’t know anymore.

Disney is getting all cloak and dagger with their shit and now it could be that the two are writing VIII & IX or it could turn into some other movie entirely but still be inside the Star Wars universe. Which is great and all because I definitely wouldn’t mind new Star Wars stories not involving the Skywalkers. If there is a possibility I could get a movie based on the X-Wing series then I will kiss George Lucas full on his chubby bearded mouth for selling to Disney.

Let The Battle Begin Again



Well it was only a matter of time before this started up again. But it’s so much damn fun isn’t it?

Now I may be the worst kind of uber-fan because I am of the mind that I can love Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit equally but there are many that can not have peace between the geek factions. Now the folks over at have just put up this shirt for pre-order so choose your side.

Whoever designed it should be applauded and I would gladly order one if it weren’t already sold out. Now whether you love your Han Solo’s or your Samwise Gamgee’s, your Boba Fett’s or your Meriadoc Brandybuck’s let’s all come together in nerd harmony and go see The Hobbit.

And if this post makes no sense I apologize. I am doped up on meds at the moment.

Dammit Disney, Stop Making Me Want More Star Wars!!!

This new Star Wars trilogy is going to be an emotional roller coaster for many fat nerds including myself.

First came the initial news that we were getting new movies when Disney bought Lucasfilm, next came word that Oscar winner Michael Arndt would be writing the script for Episode VII, then came some soul hurting news that Disney wanted to bring Darth Vader back despite the fact he is inside a golden urn sitting on Luke and Mara’s Jedi/fireplace mantle but now the tide has turned a bit with the news that Episodes VIII and IX have screenwriters.

Lawrence Kasdan, yes THAT Lawrence Kasdan who wrote Empire and Return as well as Raiders of the Lost Ark, is teaming with Simon Kinberg, who wrote the entertaining Sherlock Holmes and the simply great X-Men: First Class, to produce and write the scripts for the final two flicks in the new trilogy.

C’mon Disney,  just when it seems like you are going to screw some stuff up and take Star Wars back to Lucastown Population: Jar Jar you pull this damn rabbit out of your hat??! Kasdan….the dude wrote Empire and Raiders for god’s sake!! How am I supposed to keep my expectations low when you have him back doing Star Wars?!

So just to keep track, this is where I stand.

Disney announces new Star Wars- Excitement level +65%

Michael Arndt writing Episode VII +20%

Tell me that Darth Vader will magically find his way back from Jedi heaven -45%

Hire Lawrence Kasdan to write VII and IX +40%

And the damn thing hasn’t even gone in front of cameras yet!!!

Wait…Tom Hiddleston Said He Would Do Star Wars?

A Digital Spy interview with Tom Hiddelston has opened up a small hope for the new post-Lucas Star Wars universe. The actor said he would consider being in the new Star Wars flicks depending on the script and if he was asked of course.

“I’m a huge fan, especially of the first three. Absolutely, yeah. It would depend on the story and the character and things. But I don’t know, maybe people would associate me too closely with Loki—I hope not.”

I believe the only proper response to this is as follows:


Now the chance of this actually happening is like 2.36754% but that should be enough for us to hold onto hope that Loki will wield a lightsaber.

Well, Episode VII Sounded Good For A Week At Least


Rumor time for Star Wars again which I am sure will be an almost daily occurrence until the summer of 2015 and this movie actually comes out.  Seems like some “insiders” have discovered that Disney is super keen on bringing Darth Vader back to life. Yeah I know, just go ahead and strap in for this rape cause it’s gonna happen.

Here is the bit that the so called man in the know revealed:

“He’s an integral part of the franchise. Replacing him is virtually impossible. The plan is for him to return and play a significant role in the new films.”

And here is the even better explanation of how he returns:

“This is science fiction remember. Darth Vader will rise from the ashes.”

Look, being sci-fi or a comic or horror movie character is always easy street to resurrection but the asthmatic bastard was BURNED ON A FUNERAL PYRE!!! THERE IS NO MORE OF HIM!! HE HAS CEASED TO BE!!!

The only avenue appears to be a clone like Ripley in Alien Resurrection and we all know how that turned out. Are we entirely sure that George Lucas does not have his hand up somebody’s ass in Disney and is still feeding shitty ideas because this is the most Lucas thing ever.

Wait…Maybe Matthew Vaughn Has Some Competition For Star Wars.

Not so fast Disney. While I agree with your (rumored) choice of Matthew Vaughn to direct Star Wars: Episode VII here is a video endorsing another worthy candidate: Brad Bird.

The director of The Iron Giant, The Incredibles (my favorite Pixar movie), Ratatouille and last year’s awesome Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Brad Bird would be a worthy choice as well. Take a look at this campaign inspired video and see if he warrants your vote.

Have you ever thought about the far off possibility if Christopher Nolan did a Star Wars? You thought Empire was depressing, Nolan will have fanboys slitting their wrists in the theaters and that’s before the lightsaber fight inside a Jedi’s dream, inside a Sith’s dream, inside Jar Jar’s dream.